Monday, May 7, 2012

Seeing Gray

Me in a funk last week

Some days are not so colorful.

Some days are gray.

If you are like me and love to talk about the fun, funny and colorful things in life, what do you do when you are feeling gray? 

Usually, I just keep it to myself.  I mean, really, who wants to hear the negativity?

But, if I only talk about the positive things in my life, I will certainly give people the wrong idea.  And, part of why I want to blog is to be real...well, as real as I can handle. 

So, what do I do when I am in a funk?

Usually, I keep it to myself and escape.  I go to bed as early as reasonably possible.  I escape into meaningless games on my iPad.  I escape into food.

Last week I was in a major funk.  (I think I gained a good 5+ pounds!)

I didn't want to pray.

I didn't want to read.

I didn't want to talk about it.

I wanted to escape. 

Our family has been going through a transition.  My husband is an associate pastor and has been grappling with the idea of leaving his current position for several months now.  He resigned a few weeks ago.  His heart has slowly been drawn away from our current (and WONDERFUL) church, to...well, to...

We aren't sure where to just yet.

But, I like certainty.  I like stability.  I like being settled.  I like security.


Change is hard and for today, my life is enough.  I don't want to wish away the days of uncertainty because I believe that if I choose to embrace these days and rest into them, I may grow.

I may grow and the next time I'm in a funk, I may escape less.  I may let myself feel the discomfort and not be so afraid of it next time.

Today I woke up feeling more positive.  I went to the gym.  I was feeling very cheerful as I sang "Rainy Days and Mondays" while taking a bath.   I'm looking forward to working on the dolls today.  Yes, I think the clouds are clearing.

And, in the interest of being real (and making this post a tad bit less depressing) I took pictures of my kids' shoes lying around the house for you.  If you look closely, you will see more mess than just scattered shoes.  I love how the red converse are so very neat under the kitchen bar!